NOT

Tucker did NOT figure out that his tractor is not only a ride-on toy, but also a ladder.
I did NOT find him STANDING on my kitchen table.
And he was NOT pouring all the salt and pepper OUT of my shakers into a candle.
Tucker did NOT make fun of me sneezing by laughing and going "asssssckkkbbbbbbb asssssccckkkkbbb."
I did NOT twist my husbands nipple this morning in front of Tucker.
I did NOT laugh hysterically when Tucker reached out and also gave Zeke's nipple a twist.
I did NOT put the same diaper back on my child after he pooped the tiniest little stinky nugget (that left no racing stripes of any kind).
I am NOT that cheap.
Tucker and I are NOT wearing our jammies all day long today.
After lunch, Tucker did NOT proceed to have a blowout in a fresh diaper.
And the diaper did NOT mysteriously come undone inside his jammies.
There was NOT poo all the way up his back, all over his areas, down his legs, and definitely NOT inside his socks even.

No way, NOT today :)